_

What is having a boyfriend about?

The moment when the other part finally realizes that our little romantic trip is over is the moment when my heart feels the fullest. It is like I am just your dream girl but only because you decided I should be one. Not because I actually am. It sounds insane but when this boy looks me in the eyes and I feel his smile brushing over my face I suddenly see myself the way he sees me. My eyes become the darkest hazelnut on this planet, my skin so soft and beautiful he wants to bite it. My style is not just a style it becomes a whole world for him and I am opening a door he never imagined could exist. My taste my look my words everything turns into a new universe he wants to enter. I could say that I like to put my foot in my mouth and he would applaud. 

It freaks me out that there is this romantic wall between us, its like in quantum physics where two things exist at the same time until you really watch them, like that cat theory. I mean with that: I am single or not? 

He actually looks me in the face and really sees my gestures and realizes that I obvious have a boyfriend. You dumb Idiot. Look at me for real. You are to busy to sketch this world with me and I hate that about so many boys. is it many or is it every boy? I do not care: I hate boys 

And yeah i hate that I hate boys cause I love boys. 

I crave these stupid edits of hot celebs way too much. When I was a child, kill me but Channing Tatum was grinding in my bed at night.  

We are back in the Bar: I tell this stranger, right now I go home now to my boyfriend thanks for talking and having a good time. 

I look at the boy next to me, in his bed. I lay on my side. He’s sleeping. I wonder: What does it even mean to have a boyfriend these days? It is beautiful, yeah, but also kind of a cage. The love is real, the love is big, but the world I live in now is new and the old concept of having a boyfriend feels a little bit over. Dramatically I would say this new world needs new concepts but without taking the male gaze on it. When I say new world I mean the ; new world for women: 

§ Nobody can say that every woman sees the world the same way or that people see every woman as equal. So many girls and women are losing everything, being used for their bodies, abused and raped.Their genitals are mutilated, their babies stolen, they are forced into marriage and have no rights. This world still exists and we cannot forget it. 

§ No woman is free until all of us are. +Probably many people who read this text have a geographical advantage. 

This text is meant to be an idea, a thought about how we can make the world a little better for women, 

even in micro millimeters. We have everything now and we can do whatever we want with our voices. But still there is a system in my head that whispers what is appropriate and what is not. I can see everything through my third eye and I do not mean that in a spiritual way. I mean the third eye that looks at me like boys look at me. I pass a group of boys and I see myself through their eyes. Because that is how I grew up.

So maybe a boyfriend is not needed anymore. I do not really need you to buy me things. Paying for my nails is cute but I have money. It is nice when you drive but I have a license you idiot. And I love voting, thanks to all the granny’s out there and RIP the other icons in the earth. So if you are a boyfriend you better be a best friend. 

… What is the concept? Idk right now, but something will follow in a few months, I guess. 

It’s the next day. I can’t really say right now what a good new concept of a boyfriend is but I had a chat with a girl. She’s a friend. And she’s very raff. I love the way she talks. She’s an Aries. Yeah. Scorpio moon like me. So I love her. Whatever, next: she didn’t also know a concept, more on that later. Anyway, we talked about a new  

I think there’s a new dynamic between boys and girls, and I don’t really have a name for it yet. Maybe it’s a kind of ‚jealousy interruption‘. Before TikTok therapy, before girls started saying they don’t need boyfriends, before everyone accused women of being man-haters, there was another era.

The era of sixteen-year-old boys who teased girls they secretly liked. And girls who spent hours thinking about boys.

At least I did.

Whenever I had a crush on a guy, I became mean. I’d make fun of him, roll my eyes at him, laugh at him for no reason. He just had to exist and I’d suddenly act weird. Not because I disliked him. Because I liked him.

Teenage love was beautiful. It was also a complete disaster.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my sixteen-year-old self with the confidence I have now. I could’ve saved myself from so many stupid situations. Especially the jealousy dramas with my first boyfriend.

He was my first love. And in my eyes, he had authority.

He could tell me not to do something and I genuinely thought that was normal. We fought constantly. If another boy appeared next to me in a Snapchat story, it became an argument. I wasn’t supposed to enjoy spending time with other guys. The strange thing is that I thought parts of it were romantic.

I was jealous too, of course. But somehow his jealousy always seemed more justified than mine.

Looking back, what strikes me isn’t the jealousy itself. It’s what the jealousy was protecting.

Control. Back then, I wasn’t doing anything extraordinary. I was talking to people. Making friends. Just existing. 

Yet it often felt like my freedom and his comfort couldn’t exist at the same time. And when I look around today, I think that’s what has changed.

Girls didn’t stop wanting love. We stopped shrinking.

Girls and women now build lives that are centered around our own interests, ambitions, friendships, ideas, and dreams. We take up space. We make money. We travel. We create. We become people outside of their relationships. 

I really don’t want to have a bigger ass for the boys. Now I want it for pictures. Joke

And sometimes I wonder if that’s where the tension comes from.

Not because women changed. But because the old rules stopped working. For a long time, jealousy was tied to ownership. Now it’s colliding with freedom. And that’s a very different game.

Because how do you hold on to someone who no longer believes they belong to you? You don’t. You meet them as an equal. Or you watch them walk ahead without you.

No more envy community? 

Manifestation plays a big role in the girls‘ world. And on top of that, we’ve started to genuinely love ourselves more. We hold each other’s hands more than ever, and we support one another whenever we can. At least, that’s what it feels like.

We’re learning to be less jealous and more happy for each other.

Black envy; is the kind of envy that turns bitter, that makes you act primitive or sad toward someone just because they have something you want. We’re trying to let go of that collectively.  We want white envy; the kind of envy that sees what others have, feels inspired, and asks, how can I reach that vision too. Then you start building your own path.  

White envy is still envy, but in its gentlest form.

It’s the feeling of looking at someone and thinking, ‚I want that too‘, not because you want to take it from them, but because they’ve shown you what’s possible. Maybe it’s something they’ve achieved, a life they’ve built, or simply a quality they carry so naturally that you can’t help but admire it.

Instead of resentment, white envy creates admiration. Instead of competition, it creates curiosity. You give people credit for what they are, tell them what you admire, and let their example expand your own horizon.

White envy doesn’t ask, “Why them?” It asks, “How can I get there too?”

Boys are slowly starting to build their own communities too, but they haven’t worked on them for so long. They’ve held onto their same values, passing them down from generation to generation without ever questioning them. You can imagine it like a company culture that’s forever loyal to tradition. Sounds romantic maybe, but it’s actually quite discriminating and outdated because the world keeps turning and new problems, new people, new cultures, and new realities emerge. For centuries girls have been marked as the marginalized group. Out of that came cultures, desires, rebellions, movements, fluidity, and flexibility, because we’ve always had to adapt to the dominant group without losing ourselves. That gives us a deeper view, a wider perspective. It makes us more empathetic, because we’ve had to read our environments better than those who move freely, who don’t have to think about danger because for them there isn’t much. We girls have built a unity that has for centuries had to pull itself together again and again, always reaching for each other’s hands. And we’ve come a long way. 

§ I think, by now, a lot of boys are jealous of that. Jealous that we still allow ourselves to dream and that we’ve learned how to turn those dreams into reality.

It’s not that boys can’t do the same. They absolutely can. The difference is that they’re no longer only competing with other boys. They’re competing with an entire group of people they’ve spent years underestimating. Girls.

And that’s where the problem begins. Because we’ve spent our lives studying them. Learning how they think, what they value, what they want, how they move through the world. We had to. 

But they never really studied us. So now they’re standing in a game they thought they understood, only to realize they’re playing against opponents they’ve never bothered to learn.

So, the old boyfriends stopped working.

What do we need from the new boyfriends?

I guess I really want to be inspired by you. The same way my friends inspire me every day.

I want a companion who admires me and whom I admire in return. Someone who asks me how I move through life, who asks for my advice sometimes, and who feels white envy instead of black envy. Someone who wants to make my life lighter because they can see how much I already carry. Please don’t make it heavier on top of that.

I want someone who celebrates my dreams instead of competing with them. Someone who sees my freedom and doesn’t mistake it for a threat.

I want you to shine next to me. And I want to shine next to you.

14  januar 2026 

I dont have a boyfriend anymore